終於完成了 真不敢相信我竟然能把一片演講稿給翻譯完 這中間最大的受益者應該屬於我自己吧 為了翻譯這篇文章 我查閱了無數中英文網頁字典 也參考多位人物背景資料 回顧多個美國近來發生的重大事件 基本上協助我溫習世界時事 越是查詢就越加佩服Colbert的緊貼時事 一般要看得懂這篇演講稿的 不但英文要行 徹底深入過美國文化 更要專研過新聞頭條 香港巴士阿叔與其相比 只能用[不倫不類]來形容.

當然了 很多內地與亞洲的新聞 我相信 只有生活過這種環境的人才能完全體會 香港很多的笑話 歇後語 場裏的許多香港同事絞盡腦汁形容給我聽 但我就是不懂 因為我沒有那種環境 他們也就笑笑我 說我永遠不可能成為道道地地的香港人!呵呵...沒關係 我就是我 對吧?

說到我就是我 這篇文章可能很多人看不懂 爸媽認為我應該多寫勵志文章鼓勵人 但很可惜 我就是我 我沒有那麼多勵志文章分享給大家 我也是人 也有7情6慾 也曾失敗過 痛苦過 沮喪過 慌亂過 莽撞過 因此 爸 媽 親愛的網友們 不好意思 今天的文章有點無聊 但 我就是我

好啦 說了那麼多廢話 趕快來看看Colbert剩下的演講稿吧 到了最後Colbert還放了一段錄影帶給大家看 當中自然少不了他一貫的諷刺作風 但我覺得有點太扯了 因此沒有多做翻譯 有興趣的人 請自己上網找吧

在這裡 先謝謝大家的耐心與支持:

I stand by this man. I stand by this man because he stands for things. Not only for things, he stands on things. Things like aircraft carriers and rubble and recently flooded city squares. And that sends a strong message: that no matter what happens to America, she will always rebound -- with the most powerfully staged photo ops in the world.
- 我支持這個人.我支持他因為他站在自己的觀點上/有主見.他不但[站]在自己的觀點上,他還[站]在其他的東西上,比如說航空母艦啦,廢墟啦,以及剛剛被水淹的城市廣場上等等.這其中有一個重要的啟示:無論美國發生什麼重大災害,只要將影響力最大,事先設計好的媒體照片登出來,運用得當,美國就能振作起來.

Now, there may be an energy crisis. This president has a very forward-thinking energy policy. Why do you think he's down on the ranch cutting that brush all the time? He's trying to create an alternative energy source. By 2008 we will have a mesquite-powered car!
- 也許我們正面對許多能源危機.但我們這位總統有一個思想非常前衛的能源政策.你知道他為什麼老是在他的農場上修樹嗎?因為他在開發其它的能源.2008年,我們將會看到第一部以灌木為燃料的汽車正式上路.

And I just like the guy. He's a good Joe. Obviously loves his wife, calls her his better half. And polls show America agrees. She's a true lady and a wonderful woman. But I just have one beef, ma'am.
- 而且,我就是喜歡這個人.他是一個老好人.很明顯的他很愛他老婆,稱他為自己的賢內助,民調也贊同.勞拉是一個真正的淑女和完美的女人,但總統夫人我必須在此跟您抱怨一下.

I'm sorry, but this reading initiative. I'm sorry, I've never been a fan of books. I don't trust them. They're all fact, no heart. I mean, they're elitist, telling us what is or isn't true, or what did or didn't happen. Who's Britannica to tell me the Panama Canal was built in 1914? If I want to say it was built in 1941, that's my right as an American! I'm with the president, let history decide what did or did not happen.
- 真是抱歉,但您所提出的閱讀倡議,不好意思,我向來不是書本的粉絲,因為我不信任書本.書本裏只有實情,沒有感情.都是一班傑出菁英在教訓我們何謂真假,什麼發生過什麼沒發生.大英百科全書算什麼東西啊?竟敢教訓我巴拿馬運河是在1914年興建的?我就偏要說巴拿馬運河是1941年興建的,那是我作為美國人的權利.我和總統站在同一陣線,就讓歷史來評斷一切.

The greatest thing about this man is he's steady. You know where he stands. He believes the same thing Wednesday that he believed on Monday, no matter what happened Tuesday. Events can change; this man's beliefs never will.
- 這個人最大的優點就是他很穩,立場堅定.無論週二發生什麼重大事件,他週一的立場到了周三依然不改.世事變幻莫測,但這個人的信仰永不改變.

As excited as I am to be here with the president, I am appalled to be surrounded by the liberal media that is destroying America, with the exception of Fox News. Fox News gives you both sides of every story:  the president's side, and the vice president's side.
- 雖然今天能與總統同桌我很興奮,但身處於正在摧毀美國的自由主義媒體當中令我膽寒,福克斯新聞除外.福克斯新聞報導正負兩面說法:總統一面的說法和副總統一面的說法.

But the rest of you, what are you thinking, reporting on NSA wiretapping or secret prisons in Eastern Europe? Those things are secret for a very important reason:  they're super-depressing. And if that's your goal, well, misery accomplished.
- 但其餘的你們,你們在想什麼啊?竟敢跑去報導國家安全局竊聽事件以及東歐秘密監獄.那些事件被升級為秘密必有其因:因為這些消息讓人超級沮喪啊!如果你們的用意就是要讓人沮喪的話,那恭喜你們,任務圓滿完成.

Over the last five years you people were so good -- over tax cuts, WMD intelligence, the effect of global warming. We Americans didn't want to know, and you had the courtesy not to try to find out. Those were good times, as far as we knew.
- 這5年來你們工作表現真是沒話說,特別是在減稅,大殺傷性武器情報收集,全球暖化等方面.我們美國人不想知道,而你們也很禮貌性的不去挖掘.就我們所知,那5年真是好時光.

But, listen, let's review the rules. Here's how it works: the president makes decisions. He's the Decider. The press secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the press type those decisions down. Make, announce, type. Just put 'em through a spell check and go home. Get to know your family again. Make love to your wife. Write that novel you got kicking around in your head. You know, the one about the intrepid Washington reporter with the courage to stand up to the administration. You know - fiction!
- 不過,聽清楚,我們來回顧一下規則,遊戲是這樣玩的:總統決定.他是決策者.新聞發言人宣布總統決策,你們媒體就把決策打出來.決定,宣布,打出來.新聞稿查查有沒有錯子然後趕快回家.好好增進一下親子關係,和老婆享受一下魚水之歡,沒事還可以寫一本醞釀以久的書,一本講述一位勇敢的華盛頓記者如何鼓起勇氣對抗現任政府.沒錯!一本虛構的小說.

Because really, what incentive do these people have to answer your questions, after all? I mean, nothing satisfies you. Everybody asks for personnel changes. So the White House has personnel changes. Then you write, "Oh, they're just rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic." First of all, that is a terrible metaphor. This administration is not sinking. This administration is soaring. If anything, they are rearranging the deck chairs on the Hindenburg!
- 因為說真的,這些被訪者何必要回答你們記者的問題呢?反正你們永遠不滿意.你們要求人事更改.白宮就照著你們的吩咐做人事變動.之後你們又寫說”哦!他們只是在重新編排鐵達尼號上的桌椅.”首先,這個隱喻用得真差勁.現任政府並沒有下沉啊!這個政府在飛騰昂揚啊!就算要寫,也得寫成”他們只是在重新編排興登堡號上的桌椅.”

Now, it's not all bad guys out there. Some are heroes: Christopher Buckley, Jeff Sacks, Ken Burns, Bob Schieffer. They've all been on my show. By the way, Mr. President, thank you for agreeing to be on my show. I was just as shocked as everyone here is, I promise you. How's Tuesday for you? I've got Frank Rich, but we can bump him. And I mean bump him. I know a guy. Say the word.
- 其實他們也不全是壞人,這中間還是有些英雄:克里斯多夫.巴克利 (以諷刺文字著稱的自由撰稿人兼作家), Jeff Sacks (不太清楚他是誰.你們有誰知道嗎?), Ken Burns (美國著名導演,攝影師,音效師,製作人,編劇), 鮑勃.希佛 (美國CBS晚間新聞主播名嘴).這些人都上過我的節目.對了總統先生,謝謝你答應上我的節目.我承認我跟在場的所有觀眾一樣錯愕.星期二來好嗎?我原本請法蘭克.里奇 (紐約時報專欄作家)上我的節目,但我可以隨時將他除掉,我說真的[除掉].我認識人,就等你一句話.

See who we've got here tonight. General Moseley, Air Force Chief of Staff. General Peter Pace, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. They still support Rumsfeld. Right, you guys aren't retired yet, right? Right, they still support Rumsfeld.
- 來看看今晚在場的還有哪些嘉賓.空軍參謀長莫斯里將軍.還有參謀長聯席會議主席彼得.佩斯將軍.咦?他們還是支持拉姆斯菲爾德,對吧?你們還沒有退休吧?嗯,可見他們還是支持拉姆斯菲爾德.

Look, by the way, I've got a theory about how to handle these retired generals causing all this trouble:  don't let them retire! Come on, we've got a stop-loss program; let's use it on these guys. I've seen Zinni and that crowd on Wolf Blitzer. If you're strong enough to go on one of those pundit shows, you can stand on a bank of computers and order men into battle. Come on.
- 對了,對於這批頻頻製造麻煩的退休將軍我倒是有一個建議:不 要 讓 他 們 退 休!退什麼休呢?我們不是有一個停止人才流失計畫嗎?何不將此計畫用在這些人身上呢?我看過津尼將軍(前美軍中央司令部司令)和那群退休將軍上沃爾夫.布利策(美國有線電視新聞網CNN資深政論家)節目.如果有膽識上那種博學節目,那就絕對有膽量站在一排電腦上命令士兵上戰場廝殺.還不快把他們給請回來?

Jesse Jackson is here, the Reverend. Haven't heard from the Reverend in a little while. I had him on the show. Very interesting and challenging interview. You can ask him anything, but he's going to say what he wants, at the pace that he wants. It's like boxing a glacier. Enjoy that metaphor, by the way, because your grandchildren will have no idea what a glacier is.
- 杰西.捷克森 (非藉美裔政治領袖,浸信會牧師及演說家,”拯救人類人民聯盟”創辦者,美國第一位競選總統的黑人)也來了,咱們的牧師先生,最近比較少有他的消息,他也曾上過我的節目.那是一次極有趣又富挑戰性的訪談.你可以隨便問他什麼, 但他會依照著自己的速度回答他想回答的,有如跟冰河打拳擊.對了,好好享受一下那個隱喻,因為你們的子孫後代絕不會有機會見識真正的冰河.

Justice Scalia is here. Welcome, sir. May I be the first to say, you look fantastic. How are you?  [After each sentence, Colbert makes a hand gesture, an allusion to Scalia's recent use of an obscene Sicilian hand gesture in speaking to a reporter about Scalia's critics. Scalia is seen laughing hysterically.] Just talking some Sicilian with my paisan.
- 斯加利亞大法官 (美國聯邦最高法院法官)也在場.歡迎你來.讓我第一個來告訴你,你的氣色真好.你好嗎? (苛伯每說完一句話就比一個手勢,間接提示到斯加利亞最近在回答記者質詢時向對方用了猥褻的西西里手勢.在此,只見斯加利亞開懷大笑.]我在用西西里語跟我的好夥伴打聲招呼.

John McCain is here. John McCain, John McCain, what a maverick! Somebody find out what fork he used on his salad, because I guarantee you it wasn't a salad fork. This guy could have used a spoon! There's no predicting him. By the way, Senator McCain, it's so wonderful to see you coming back into the Republican fold. I have a summer house in South Carolina; look me up when you go to speak at Bob Jones University. So glad you've seen the light, sir.
- 約翰.麥凱恩(美國亞利桑那州參議員)也來了.麥凱恩,麥凱恩,真是一頭野牛!你們誰快去看看他用什麼叉子吃沙拉,因為我保證他絕對不是用沙拉叉.他連湯匙都可以用來吃沙拉.一個捉摸不定的人.對了,麥凱恩參議員,真高興看到你回到共和黨的懷抱.我在南卡羅萊納州有一個度假小屋;下次你再來保伯璟斯大學演講時記得打給我.真慶幸你終於見到曙光.

Mayor Nagin! Mayor Nagin is here from New Orleans, the chocolate city! Yeah, give it up. Mayor Nagin, I'd like to welcome you to Washington, D.C., the chocolate city with a marshmallow center. And a graham cracker crust of corruption. It's a Mallomar, I guess is what I'm describing, a seasonal cookie.
- 納金市長!有[巧克力城]之稱的紐奧爾良市市長納金今晚也來了! 對,大家請掌聲鼓勵鼓勵.納金市長,我要歡迎您來到這個有[外層巧克力,裡面軟糖夾心,中間腐壞餅乾]之稱的首都華盛頓,我想[馬拉莫]季節餅乾是最貼切的形容吧!

Joe Wilson is here, Joe Wilson right down here in front, the most famous husband since Desi Arnaz. And of course he brought along his lovely wife Valerie Plame. Oh, my god. [looks horrified] Oh, what have I said? I -- Je- minetti (sp?). I am sorry, Mr. President, I meant to say he brought along his lovely wife Joe Wilson's wife. Patrick Fitzgerald is not here tonight? OK. Dodged a bullet.
- 約瑟夫.威爾遜 (前美國駐以拉克大使) 也在現場,他就坐在前排,可以說是繼德西.阿納茲之後又一知名老公.他也理所當然的帶了他美麗太座大人瓦萊麗.普萊姆 (前美國CIA中情局特工)  天啊!我究竟說了什麼啊?我…我…我…真是抱歉啊總統先生,我是想說他帶了他美麗太座大人...[約瑟夫.威爾遜太太].帕特理克.菲茨杰拉德 (聯邦檢察官,負責調查特工門一案) 今晚不在吧?好險,逃過一劫.

And, of course, we can't forget the man of the hour, new press secretary, Tony Snow. Secret Service name, "Snow Job." Toughest job. What a hero. Took the second toughest job in government, next to, of course, the ambassador to Iraq.
- 當然了,我們怎能放過今晚的亮點,新任白宮發言人拖尼.斯諾,特工代號[斯諾任務].不可能的任務,他真是個英雄,接下了政府部門裏第二困難的工作.第一困難乃駐伊拉客大使.

Got some big shoes to fill, Tony. Big shoes to fill. Scott McClellan could say nothing like nobody else. McClellan, of course, eager to retire. Really felt like he needed to spend more time with Andrew Card's children. Mr. President, I wish you hadn't made the decision so quickly, sir.
- 你的任務艱鉅啊,拖尼,任務艱鉅啊!麥克萊倫發言時的[不知所云]可謂無人能比哦!當然了,麥克萊倫可等不及趕快退休,好好和安德魯.卡德 (前白宮辦公室主任) 的孩子們打成一片.總統先生,我還真希望你沒有這麼快就下決定.

I was vying for the job myself. I think I would have made a fabulous press secretary. I have nothing but contempt for these people. I know how to handle these clowns.  In fact, sir, I brought along an audition tape and with your indulgence, I'd like to at least give it a shot. So, ladies and gentlemen, my press conference.
- 就連我自己都想爭取一下新聞發言人的位置.我認為我一定能夠勝任.我對那批記者除了藐視還是藐視,我知道如何對付那些小丑.我這裏還準備了一卷應徵錄影帶,如有您的許可,我將放出來至少試試看我的機會.先生女士們,我的新聞記者會.
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STEPHEN COLBERT: Helen Thomas, ladies and gentlemen. Mr. Smith, members of the White House Correspondents Association, Madame First Lady, Mr. President, it's been a true honor. Thank you very much. Good night!
- 海倫.湯姆斯女士 (白宮首席女記者,赫斯特報業集團專欄作家,現年85歲,任職40年間質問過8位美國總統),先生女士們,史密斯先生,諸位白宮通訊記者協會會員,第一夫人,總統先生,我實在感到相當榮幸.非常謝謝你們,晚安.

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